


What goes down at Festival Foods

by Dontjudgemyfanfichistory



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: A lot of other npc's as well, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Retail, Gen, I KEEP FORGETTING TO TAG ALL MY FICS AS LINKED UNIVERSE, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Modern Era, Rated T for swearing, This are real stories lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dontjudgemyfanfichistory/pseuds/Dontjudgemyfanfichistory
Summary: Festival Foods is a Grocery Store mainly in the upper Midwest.All the boys work there now.This is a Retail AU
Relationships: Four & Hyrule & Legend & Sky & Time & Twilight & Warriors & Wild & Wind (Linked Universe)
Comments: 56
Kudos: 167





	1. Explanation

**Author's Note:**

> This is totally a good idea.

I work at a Festival Foods grocery store in Minnesota Twin Cities. I run into a surprising amount of chaos at this job. Unless I specify, all of these stories are 100% real. How I wish they were fake. These are my stories **insert law and order dun dun here**

Here are the boys positions at the store. Just to give you an idea of who does what.

\---

Time: Assistant Manager. He does more paperwork than actual labor. He used to be the Frozen Food and Dairy manager until he got a promotion and he’s hated it ever since. Worked here since he was seventeen, left when he joined the army, rehired when he came back. He’s counted as a disable veteran and no one’s sure why he still works here. Or why he wants to. 

Twilight: Calls. He gets them, directs them, is the one to order the new products. He’s the only person that’s not a manager to have their own office. 

Legend: The new Frozen Food and Dairy manager. Doesn’t like being a manager because the cashiers now assume that he knows a thing about customer service. He does not. He’s never even seen a register up close let alone if something was supposed to be on discount or not. 

Warriors: In the national guard. Somehow landed himself in the Deli. He’s a great guy and mostly ends up serving the food and not making it. He has an ongoing antagonistic relationship with Four for seemingly no reason. Takes breaks much longer than they need to be.

Wild: Now works in the Deli, but spent a year being a courtesy boy. He makes the food, and highly recommends literally everything to the customers. People stop by for his personality alone. 

Wind: The youngest, and a courtesy boy. He used to bag for a month then Covid hit and now he just helps people carry their things out to the car, load salt bags into karts, collect karts, and empty trash cans. 

Sky: Cashier. Has been here for three years and is being trained in as a CSR (customer service representative.) Always takes the morning shift, and his girlfriend stops by to say hi on every shift. 

Hyrule: Everyone’s favorite stock boy. Will work self checkout if needed. He always remembers to say hi to everyone, is somehow best buddies with every manager. Made the discord server. 

Four: Cashier. He’s been there for less than a year. He cycles regularly between the register, the self checkout, and occasionally stocking and grocery.

Hylia: General manager. She makes the schedules.

Ravio: CSR. Talks a lot, is a mom friend, talks a lot.

Impa: CSR. Hates the customers so much. Hates them so much. Why is she a representative? Because she doesn’t give a shit. She’s the person you call when a customer refuses to cooperate and you need someone to shut her down.

Dot: Four’s sister. She worked there for two months over the summer before quitting because she got a promotion at her other job.

Sarah: That one coworker. She will tell you _everything_. She’s a cashier by name, but she will leave at every opportunity to talk to other people. She gives out way too much information about her personal life. Literally all of it unprompted. Everyone is uncomfortable around her.

\---

These are going to be real stories that have happened to me, using the boys as stand ins for my coworkers. Most of it is 1:1. Mitchel really is a frozen/dairy manager, and he doesn’t know a thing about customer service, but he’s nice about it and tries his best. Unlike how Legend will be. 

All non-LOZ NPC’s will be given fake names. And if you recognize any of these stories, please do not talk to me about it, I would rather die then know my coworkers found out I write fanfiction ‘about’ them. 


	2. Veterans Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veterans day at work was pretty fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four is usually going to be the stand in for me. Just because I think he's neat.

Ah yes, Festival Foods. 

A small chain grocery store that primarily stayed in the upper Midwest. And one such location did Four work at. 

It was pretty nice. The people were good, the deals were okay, the prices were pretty high but it was a union store and he got paid well enough. He didn't shop here anyway.

Today was veterans day, and he was pulling an Eight hour shift. 

Oh what a joy.

"Did you get the code?" Hyrule asked. 

"Code? What code?" Four paused from writing the new markdown prices on the kool aid packets. "The free pizza one?"

"Yeah, that one."

"No not yet. Do you know it?"

"405, then hit cash."

On veterans day, anyone that wore a hat, brought their dog tags, wore their shirt/jacket/whatever it was. Got to get a free frozen pizza, this location only. 

Four nodded then turned back to the kool aid packets. It was still in the early hours, and apart from three old guys and his old coach from middle school, Four hadn't seen anyone else come through.

"Who's here today?" Four asked, barely trying to keep conversation up. 

Hyrule glanced at the whiteboard. "Ravio's CSR."

"Well I know that, I saw him."

Hyrule rolled his eyes. "Twi will be here at nine, Time's the midday manager, Impa's coming in at two. Debra is here also at nine."

"Hylia scheduled Time for today?"

He shrugged. "Time requested it."

Hyrule eventually made his way back to self checkout, trying to pretend that he wasn't totally on his phone. Four decided to stop marking down the kool aid, and organize the candy. Heavens above the early shift was boring.

Debra, the other cashier for the day, Twilight, and a myriad of other employees dragged themselves to the punch machine at nine. Four, still with nothing interesting to do, waved at the people he recognized. That being just Legend, Wind, and Twilight. Debra was cool and all, but she went to the same highschool as him. And distance learning or not, that made her non approachable.

\---

Things picked up at ten, as they always did. 

Four was glad to finally do something. Punching buttons was something he was good at. He was fast. 

"Hello, how was your day."

"My wife passed away last week."

"I'm sorry to hear that sir. Do you have a Festival one card?"

Oh yeah, he was a pro.

\---

Ravio, their eccentric and very optimistic CSR for the day, just loved to talk to literally everyone. 

Not a bad thing for a customer service rep, but annoying when you just wanted to press buttons and get paid. 

"And when I said I had a good week so far, you would not believe what I watched on sunday-"

Four tuned him out. 

Eventually Ravio brought out the schedule. "So I know you said you were busy most Friday nights, but-"

He groaned. 

\---

Time was too slow, but literally way too fast.

Time, the manager and not the concept, punched in exactly at eleven. Four watched him climb the stairs to the office above the bakery. 

He and Time had only talked when they ran into each other in the breakroom, or when Four needed a manager and Time was there. But he was pretty cool and usually sided with the cashier when a customer was mad. He also liked to show people pictures of his dog. 

He was hearing his navy blue Navy Seal hat. Four absentmindedly wondered if he'd come through his line to get his free pizza.

\---

The answer was no. He went through self checkout. Four felt a pang of mock betrayal shoot through his chest. 

He couldn't dwell on it for too long though, a young woman was putting poptarts on the belt and it was Four's duty to get her out of the store as fast as possible. 

Not three minutes later did an old guy with dog tags come through with some pizza. Four scanned it, punched in 405, hit cash, and nothing happened. 

Shit. 

"Hyrule!" He called to the kid over in the empty self checkout. 

Hyrule sauntered over. "What's up?"

"Pizza code ain't working."

Hyrule did the exact same thing as him. Nothing happened. He sighed, "Call Ravio."

Ravio got there, same thing. The CSR frowned. "This should work. We're doing exactly what Hylia said to do."

"Is she still here?"

"Time's the only manager here. She just clocked out."

Four sighed. "And Time's on break. Where is he?"

The old guy spoke up. "If you're having this much of a problem with it, I'm happy with just paying for it."

Four turned to him. "If you would like sir, but I'd still like to know why it's not working."

The old man nodded and paid full price for his pizza. Four still decided to find Time. 

"I think he's in Twilight's office." Ravio told him. 

He  _ was _ in Twi's office. The man in question sat at the portable eating frozen pizza. 

It was still frozen.

"Uh, Time? I have a question."

Time looked up, setting down the rock solid piece of frozen pizza. "What'd you need?"

Four paused. "Well now I have two questions for you."

"Alright?"

"Well, the pizza code, y'know, 405 ain't working?"

"Did you scan the pizza before or after."

"After."

Time nodded, gesturing his pizza to Four. "That would be your problem."

"Ok. And-" How did he say this? "Why are you eating frozen pizza?"

Time raised an eyebrow. "What, this is lunch."

"But it's still frozen."

Time looked at him like his head was on sideways. "That's how you eat it. It's called frozen for a reason."

\---

Four put Hyrule on break. And then he watched a guy spend more then a seventy dollars on eggs. Did they have a rule on limiting egg purchases? Four really wanted to ask him what he was planning on doing with so much eggs. 

He decided not to think about it for too long. 

"Excuse me?" 

Four turned to a lady standing with her daughter, he put on a forced smile. "Hi! How can I help you?" 

"How old do you have to be to work here?"

Four smiled at the girl. "Our minimum age is sixteen ma'am."

She shook her head. "They all say that." She lightly pushed the arm of her daughter. "Looks like you got three more years sweetheart." They walked away and Four just stared at them. 

_ Who wants to get a job at thirteen?? _

  
  


\---

Hyrule was chilling in the breakroom, watching his instant oatmeal bubble in the microwave. These next ten minutes would be pure bliss. 

Time pushed the door open. He was holding a few boxes of popcorn. "These are expired. Have as much as you want, I'm putting them in the corner."

"Sounds good."

Time was about to leave when Hyrule called out to him. 

"When do we usually start playing Christmas music?" Hryule wanted to brace himself for when they did. He hated Christmas music. 

Time grimaced. "You're one of those people?" He joked. "Normally after thanksgiving."

Oh thank god. He had a few more weeks. 

When he got back to self checkout, he took Four off and sent him back to his register. 

Not an hour later he heard from the speakers.  _ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling ringtingtinglin too, for it is lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. _

Hyrule gripped the sides of the screen.  _ Why? _

He spotted Time leaning on the salt bags next to the door. 

Time nodded at him. "You were the one that asked about the music right? I don't mind putting it on early if you like it so much."

Hyrule wanted to cry. 

_ Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling too you _

\---

Freedom! Four wanted to combust. Only thirty minutes until he was out of here!

An old lady pulled up in one of their electric karts. She began to load her things on the belt. 

"I hate this place you know." She started. "I hate the service here."

Four faked caring. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you have a festival one card?"

"I wish I didn't." She had the voice of a smoker. "You know what happened? The girl back there charged me wrongly. She put that I got yellow onions, not white onions. And when I told your manager about it, he changed the price! And I had to owe you more money."

Four bit his tongue. "Well the white onions are more expensive ma'am."

"Do I look like I care? If you were an honest store you would have given it to me for free." 

Four decided not to answer her. Just another Karen. 

She put some acorn squash on the belt. He punched in the correct code and let the machine weigh it and put the price in. He started to move on but she stopped him.

"What are you doing!" She yelled. 

Four raised an eyebrow at her. "I weighed the squash ma'am."

"Then why did you weigh it at 89 cents per pound! Are you trying to steal from me?"

Four was confused, acorn squash was on sale for 89 cents this week wasn't it? "I'm sorry ma'am, but I don't understand." 

"The sign said 88 cents per pound. You're charging me for 89 cents!"

Four was speechless. "That's the sale price ma'am. 89-"

"That's not what the price said! You're trying to steal from me!"

There was a guy behind the old lady. He sighed loudly as she started to yell. He was tall, with dark skin and tattoos over his arms. He mouthed 'I'm sorry' at Four.

"I am disgusted by the service here! You disrespect me like this all the time! I can't believe-"

They guy started to mimic her. He put his hands on his hips and mouthed along with her, swaying his hips and pouting.

Four had to stop himself from laughing. 

"You either weigh it at the right price or I leave!"

Four turned his attention back to her. "I'm sorry for the confusion ma'am. Here how about this." He took 4 cents off her total. "I just took 4 cents off. One cent for each squash, to make up for the once. cent. difference." He enunciated the last words, at a higher than normal volume, in case anyone else wanted to listen to the drama.

That somehow, made her even angrier. "How dare you! Taking the cheap way out! I'm disgusted! Get me someone who knows what's going on! I want to talk to-"

Four was on it. Impa was the CSR now. Fucking 'take no shit, eat the customers' Impa was the Customer service rep. This was going to be great.

"Impa to 5 please. Impa to five."  _ Click _ . The loudspeaker turned off the Christmas music returning. 

Impa got there in a matter of seconds. Like an angel of death in the form of customer service. "What."

Four smiled under his mask. "This lady-"

"He's over charging me!" The old lady interrupted, still yelling. "He's making me pay more! I'm never coming here again-"

"Answer the question."

The lady huffed. "He's ringing me up for 89 cents. They're supposed to be 88 cents."

Impa looked at the register then at Four. "I see he took 4 cents off. That should be enough."

"It's not enough!"

Impa rolled her eyes. "Fine." She voided each of the squashed. She left after, patting Four on the back. "Good luck." She murmured.

Four nodded. "Alright ma'am. Your total-" He raised his voice again. "Which was once 15.50 is now 15.45." 

The guy was still mocking her. Four tried to hold in another laugh.

The old lady sighed. "I hate this place so much."

"I'm sorry- wait." Four realized with glee. "I need to put the 4 cents back on."

"What?"

"The 4 cents." Four said with maybe a bit too much eagerness. "I took it off to make up for the price difference. But since they're all weighed at 88 cents per pound now, I should add the 4 cents back on." He smiled. "To make sure we charge you correctly of course!"

"What? What!" The old lady was seething. "Give me back the money! You're stealing! Stealing from me!"

Impa was called back to the register. 

"I added the 4 cents back on."

She nodded. "He was right to do that ma'am." She told the old lady.

The lady looked like she was about to cry, Four would feel sad if it was literally anyone but her.

She pulled her electric kart up to the pinpad. "Fine! Fine! I hate you all! I am disgusted by the service here! I'm going to leave an awful review on yelp."

Four rolled his eyes, pressed the card button, and turned to the man behind her. The old lady could figure out how to pay on her own. "How's your day sir?" He asked with a smile.

"Getting better by the second." He grinned. "You?"

"Same." There was a beep. Four glanced at the register screen and wanted to cry laughing. 

**_Card expired_ **

Oh this was just beautiful.

"Ma'am. Your card is expired."

"What? What? You're lying!"

Impa was called again. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She said under her breath when she saw it was still the same lady. 

"Nope." Four popped the 'P.'

The lady explained that Four was trying to rob her. And that he was being cruel to a little old lady.

"I see. Can you swipe your card for me."

She did. 

"Your card is expired. Do you have another form of payment?"

The man behind her raised his hand. "I can pay for her things. I need to be somewhere." Four was considering getting on his knees and worshiping this man. This big guy walked out of a daydream. 

"No! No one is paying for my things! I just want to get this done with and go home!"

"Which is why I'm offering. It would be my honor to pay for you ma'am."

"No! I don't need your pity! You-" She let off a string of slurs. Four was very surprised at that.

The man just rolled his eyes. He handed Four a 20 dollar bill. "Don't listen to her."

Four nodded numbly. "Of course."

As the lady yelled, and Impa watched, Four took the man's money and gave him the change. 

"How dare you! How dare you! I can't believe this place! You're all-" More slurs.

"Ma'am. You're going to leave the store." Time had joined the party! This really could not get any better.

"I'm not moving!" 

Time sighed. He maneuvered behind the old clunky kart and began to physically push it out of the aisle as Impa bagged her groceries. The man helped. And despite the old lady grabbing at them and screaming in protest, the strength of the two men were enough to get her out of the store. Four watched them go with stars in his eyes. 

Screw Neil Armstrong. These people were his new heroes. 

Everyone in the store was watching now. It was almost renaissance in a way. Like a painting. 

The man came back. "One hell of a broad right?"

Four paid for the man's groceries. 

It was the least he could do.

\---

"So, how was work?" Dot asked when the door to her car was thrown open.

"Get me boba first Dot. I have a  _ lot _ to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I didn't include, was the guy leaning to me and saying "People like that don't deserve to live in a fucking house" which wow dude. He felt pretty strongly about Karens.


	3. 4th of July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fourth of July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Four being friends with Vaati and Shadow is a cool hc. Imagine pureboy Four hanging around with the 'bad kids' it's a great image.

FOURager- 2:34

@-here Anyone free this saturday?

Wariscool- 2:34

Why ping me

Hi-I’m-Rule- 2:35

Maybe, why?

FOURager- 2:35

I need a shift covered 

Wariscool- 2:35

Oh fuck that. No. 

FOURager- 2:35 

Look man I had plans for the 4th 

Hi-I’m-rule- 2:36 

What shift? Stock?

FOURager-2:36

3-8 cashier

Hi-I’m-Rule- 2:36

Lol. No way.

Wind- 2:37 

some one ping me? 

oh i’m not free

not even a cashier 

Hi-I’m-rule- 2:37

Have fun Four. Could be worse. 

FOURager- 2:38

at least impa’s csr. 

Wind- 2:38

Whose impa again? is she the scary one

Hi-I’m-Rule- 2:38

White hair 

Wind- 2:39

oh she’s cool

Four sighed. Hyrule had failed him. 

He forgot to put in his request to get the day off. Hylia had looked at the blonde kid quit a family and scheduled him to work on the 4th of July. C’mon! He was going to watch the fireworks in Duluth with his buddies that day!

He pulled WhatsApp open 

Four- I couldn’t get the day off 

Shadow- It sucks to be you. 

Four- can you wait for a bit? 

Shadow- When you get off?

Four- 8

Shadow- lol. 

Four- is that a yes?

Shadow- It’s a three hour drive. Have fun at retail

Four- I hate you

\---

Yaaaaaaaay, retail on a holiday. 

At least he got paid time and a half. 

An hour in, and nothing was really happening. Some people had come through and bought some hotdog buns, or just random condiments they needed for their barbecue.

Sky was the other cashier, and Marin, was on self checkout. Four had talked to her once, she was nice, but they didn't have too much in common.

He absentmindedly watched as Twilight crawled out of his office and walked to the back. What was he up to, the hermit.

He checked out a few other people, occasionally making his way over to Sky and making a few comments about how it sucked that they were working. 

Time was here, despite Hylia being in as well. Why he felt the need was beyond him, but he was here either way. He was busy in the cash office, occasionally glancing out the window one way window to check up on things.

"Get back at your register Four." 

Four mock saluted Impa. "Yes ma'am."

Impa rolled her eyes. "Cut the sass kid."

"Yes Impa."

Four pouted on the ten foot walk back.

Things got more interesting when he heard some screaming. 

He jumped, eagerly searching for the commotion. There were a few teenagers in the self checkout now running away from Impa who was now chasing them. 

"You slow down right now!" Impa yelled.

Twilight, who had been at the checkout getting lunch, took notice of the obvious commotion. He left the machine and cautiously followed her out the door. He started to run out the door.

_ What's going on? _

Four tentatively left, making his way over to Marin. The girl looked like she had seen a ghost.

"What was that?"

Marin glanced up at him. "Those kids had a knife."

A what?

Sky was there, he put a hand on Marin's shoulder. "I think we were just robbed."

"We were?" Four thought robbing a store would be a lot cooler to watch.

Sky glanced out the big glass doors. "Oh what the-"

Four looked out too. Everyone in the self checkout was now more invested in this then their food.

Twilight was carrying a basket. Impa behind him talked into her phone.

"Did they get away?" Four said to no one in particular.

Marin was still white in the face. "I don't know."

Time peaked out the door to the cash office. "Did something happen?"

Impa put down her phone and sighed. "The police will be here in a few minutes."

". . . What?"

Twilight set the basket down. Impa took the time to explain. "I saw some kids filling baskets with some of our stake. They were just throwing it in without looking at the prices. I kept an eye on them. They went to sco. One of the kids pulled a knife on one of the customers." She eyed a guy in khakis standing dumbfounded. "Him."

Marin nodded. "He had a hundred dollar bill."

"They were going to steal steak, and decided to take a hundred bucks from a guy in sco?" Time summed.

Impa nodded. "From what we can tell."

"is that the stuff then?" Time gestured to the basket full of meat Twilight had set down.

Twilight shook his head. "Only half. Kid dropped it when I started chasing him. One of their shoes fell off. Whoever decides to steal is flip flops is an idiot."

"So we have a shoe and half of our product?"

"And a phone." Impa held up her phone. "This isn't mine. Dropped out of a back pocket, didn't put a password on it."

Time snorted. "Real professional of them."

"I'm sure they're trying."

Four was told to get back to his register until the police got there. Which he thought was  _ dumb _ . No one was here. He wanted to ask Marin stuff.

It didn't take too long for them to get here. Marin gave a very stiff statement, Impa gave them the phone, shoe, and physical descriptions of the kids. "The teens. White shirts, two guys, a girl in pink leggings." She went on and on. 

The police asked Four a few things. Just how much he saw, if he could confirm a physical description, and his name. 

Turns out- that if you don't have a password on your phone, and the 'find my friends' app on your phone, it's pretty easy to find your home address, friends contacts, and a little icon showing two friends speeding down a highway.

They were caught within the hour.

The steak was kept in a hot car, it wasn't worth putting it out again. 

Time offered the officer some complimentary steak. "On the house."

Officer Daruk, the guy that had so kindly returned the goods and updated Time and rest on the situation, decided that he and his partner were going to treat the staff with some cookies. Apparently the Festival Foods wasn't the first place they went to. They had over the counter cough syrup from the Walgreens next door, and upon questioning, were planning on hitting up a few more stores

Munching on an M&M cookie from the bakery had never felt so good. Considering that their cookies kinda sucked. 

And not half an hour later, something  _ else _ happened.

\---

It was out of nowhere. And for the first time, while he was helping someone. The cop and Time were talking up front. Four thinks they were exchanging numbers or something.

"I never want to see your face again!" It was shouted so loud that Four was pretty sure the entire store could hear it. 

"You're the reason I did this! It's your fault!"

Four turned away from the screen. In the self checkout again, was a guy and a girl yelling at each other. 

"So! I'm not enough for you! You cheat on me!?"

"If it wasn't for you I would have been with your sister by now!"

"My sister!?" 

Four glanced at the lady he was helping. "Sorry ma'am, but I'm going to watch this."

She nodded. "Don't worry, I am too."

Marin was still at self checkout. Poor girl. 

The guy was yelling some excuse about 'not loving her anymore!' and she was yelling about how he was a terrible person and 'she was only with him for the money but now his gambling addiction was out of hand and they were flat broke' and he said something about 'how she deserved every penny he didn't have' and she started to punch him and he grabbed her and-

Four watched someone get tazed for the first time in his life.

Officer Daruk apologized for the commotion. He called for some more cars to get back to the store, and he escorted the happy couple out of the store. 

Four got on his break. 

FOURager- 6:01

@-everyone YO WE GOT ROBBED

Hi-I'm-Rule- 6:01

wtf

FOURager- 6:01

AND THEN SOMEONE GOT TAZED

WildeyCoyote- 6:02

To repeat Hyrule. wtf

FOURager- 6:02

I'll explain more when I'm off

Wariscool- 6:03

calling bs

FOURager- 6:03

Ca;l bs all you want, ask Impa

Hi-I'm-Rule- 6:03

no, you dont get to say stuff liek that and then say 'ill explain later' bitch u tell us now

FOURager- 6:04

If you took my shift you would know more

Hi-I'm-Rule- 6:04

ffs

\---

Four- I watched someone get tazed 

Four- Hows duluth

Shadow- Vaati jumped in the harbor

Shadow- it was off the side of the railing 2. wasn't a way to get him back up. had to call 4 help

Shadow- [Video of a teenager with lavender hair splashing and yelling at the shaking camera. Laughter could be heard from the other side of the camera]

Four- wow

Four- Did you push him

Shadow- ye

Shadow- dont worry he doenst have any of his tech on him

Shadow- im actualy taking the vid with his phone

Four- ur a terrible person

Shadow- :3

Well Shadow had that going for him. Four clocked out of his break and took the register again. Maybe when he got off he would get Subway and just watch Independence Day. Aliens were cool. 

\---

"How was work, kid?" His grandpa called from the living room as soon as he shut the door.

"We got robbed."

"Did you beat them up?"

"Yessir."

"Attaboy"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of curiosity I looked up some local newspapers around the Twin Cities to see if this was ever put in the news. It wasn't if you're wondering. But what I DID learn was that in 2011 there was a shooting there. The guy was identified but never caught cause he killed himself a week later. 
> 
> Pretty neat. 
> 
> We keep his picture in one of the offices, I just thought he was an old employee, or someone's kid. 
> 
> It was an interesting discovery.


	4. December 12th and December 26th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four gets covid and then someone reports him to corporate from racial discrimination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I made a mistake when I made four me 'sona' cause a lot of my work stories stem from me being mistaken for a women in her late twenty's. While Four gets mistaken as a kid. It's the exact opposite smh.

Shadow- Hey can I come over and hang?

Four- wth, it's 3am

Shadow- Ik, can i?

Four- u never ask, what's up?

Shadow- Didn't Vaati tell u

Four- tell me what

Shadow- nvm, I'll tell you later. coming over now.

That spurred a spontaneous visit to the only McDonald's that was open 24 hours. Four almost wanted to be angry at Shadow to wake him up this early, but the chances were that Shadow's Dad had come home drunk or something, and his friend wanted time out of the house. Four was okay with being his escape if needed.

The next night he got another text from Shadow.

Shadow- Hey thanks for letting me chill with u

Four- yeah anytime

Shadow- especially since with what I got going on

Four- Yeah, your dad right?

Shadow- h? I mean yah him but I'm talking about testing positive. 

Four- . . . 

Four- What?

Shadow- Did Vaati not tell you?

Four stared blankly at his phone for ten minutes, a text from Vaati roused him from his stupor. 

Vaati- Yeah Shadow got covid btw

Four- I THINK IT'S A BIT LATE FOR THAT MEMO 

Four- DO NONE OF YOU REALIZE I LIVE WITH MY GRANDPA

-Shadow Was Added to the Group-

Shadow- Look I thot you knew

Four- YOU THOUGHT WRONG ASSHOLE

Vaati- That's two weeks off work dude, I don't see why you're making a fuss

Four- I cannot believe you 

Four- I hate you all

Shadow- I think four's angry

Four- NO SHIT

To: TimeForester@gmail.com

From: FoursScoreAndSevenYears@gmail.com

Subject: I was Exposed to Covid

Hey Time, a friend of mine neglected to mention that he tested positive for Corona when he came to hang out with me. 

I'm vaguely aware of protocol but I'm not too sure what happens now.

-Four

  
  


To: FoursScoreAndSevenYears@gmail.com

From: TimeForester@gmail.com

Subject: Re: I was Exposed to Covid

lol, see you in two weeks. 

We'll keep you out past Christmas, but if you get tested and it comes back negative you can come back sooner.

Have fun, Drink water.

Four slammed his head into a pillow and screamed.

\---

After two painful weeks of self isolation, Four  _ finally _ got back to work. He'd been tested and low and behold it had come back positive (the only plus about this all really) so he couldn't even work Christmas eve and get paid Time and a Half. He was poor and he was sick. A great combo. 

But finally! After doing nothing but playing Among Us and sleeping he finally got to go to work. 

He never thought he would be so excited to work 7-3 on a saturday but hey, it's not like he was going to refuse. Daresay he almost missed everyone.

\---

There was a heavy snowstorm a day before Christmas. And even though it had been three days since the roads were still packed and icy. Four had been loudly swearing as his grandfather forced him to drive to work. "You live in Minnesota, you need the practice." Was he  _ trying _ to get them killed?

"Dammit! Shit! FUCK FUCK FUCK." The car was sliding in the parking lot. Four prayed to whichever god existed that he wouldn't die right here. Or at least not hit anyone.

His grandfather sat calmly looking at his phone, unphased. The bastard.

"Have a good day at work!" He called as Four finally escaped the car.

"Love you too." He mumbled. "And I'm not driving home!" He shouted.

His grand entrance into the store was somewhat muffled by the fact that everyone else was as tired as him if not more. Ravio who was the CSR simply nodded and welcomed him back. 

Time was the early morning manager, he greeted Four and asked him about his "break." Four tiredly explained what had happened in detail as Time nodded and ignored the ringing phone. 

7 am turned to 8 am. More people filed in to do their jobs. Four got a warm sensation in his chest as he saw Hyrule and Warriors. Never in a million years would he admit that he missed Warriors, or any of his coworkers really, but it was nice to see his 'friends'.

Today would be a good day? He guessed. Hopefully. 

\---

Correction, today was mediocre at best. There was a new cashier he didn't recognize and it was slow. Probably because it was the day after Christmas and the roads were killing people. Just maybe. 

The phone was ringing and Four was so bored he actually answered. 

"Good Morning! Thank you for calling Brooklyn Park Festival Foods! You're speaking to Four, how can I help you?"

". . ."

"Hello?"

_ "Is this New York?"  _ It was a male voice, Four would guess in his forties maybe.

"No sir, this is Minnesota."

_ "That's not New York." _

"Not really. Can I help you though?"

_ "I think I have the wrong number." _

"I think so too sir. Have a good day."

_ click _

Four set the phone down and laughed. That was pretty great.

\---

Hyrule was on break and Four was on self checkout. Praise be the name of Self Checkout for it is a haven for the tired. 

Most of the work on sco was telling people to have a good day and occasionally helping an old Asian lady figure out how to put in vegetables. 

A guy came through with his wife. He wore a baseball cap over his white fluffy hair. It was the best hat Four had seen in his entire life. 

_ "Jesus is Always Watching, But so is the FBI." _ It read. 

Four never wanted a hat so badly as he did now. 

What a great hat. 

But it got better. 

The old man spotted Four looking at him. Four quickly diverted his eyes so he didn't seem rude, but the old man approached him anyway. 

"I think you could use this." The man told him. He passed Four a pamphlet.

Four took it, knowing and dreading what it might be. He took a glance at it and sighed. 

**You are a SINNER. Here are three! easy! ways! To redeem yourself this Christmas Season.**

Two things. One, it's the day after Christmas, what the heck old man. Two, it was shit like this that made Four want to stop calling himself religious. No one's going to like being called a sinner. What a joke.

Curiosity got the better of him and he peaked inside. It was small but it carried the usual "You're going to burn in hell oh no!" Rhetoric and such. Good god, no wonder people burn these. 

Four rolled his eyes and shoved the paper into his jacket pocket. He was going to get a kick out of showing this to Shadow later. 

He caught the old mans eye and he wished them a good day. In a split second decision Four pulled out the pamphlet and wiped a non-existent tear from his eye.

"Thank you for this." He whispered. "I needed it."

The old man looked taken aback. "I'm glad you could find peace. "He nodded his head.

Four watched as they left the store. He probably made that guys entire week.

It wasn't that he wanted to fuck with him, but he didn't get much entertainment anyway. And he knew that the old guy didn't actually think he was a sinner or whatever. He was probably just taking pamphlets from church and doing his best. Shame that most churches treated new people as "Evil Sinners That Must Be Fixed Ot Else." Big turn off.

Whatever, no harm no foul.

\---

1 hour before he could go home. 1 hour. 1 hour. 1 hour. 1 hour.

"-ey, Hey! Four!" 

Four blinked out of his trance, glancing at Warriors who stood in front of the register. 

"Hey War." He nodded. "You on break?"

Warriors set the donut he was holding onto the belt. "I'm off. I wanted to say hi."

Four grinned. "Don't tell me you missed me?"

"Of course not. You still look like a rat."

"Thank goodness, I thought you were growing soft."

"And I thought you would hit puberty by now." Warriors shrugged. "What are you, 4 feet?"

"5 feet actually."

"You're standing on a stool to reach the buttons."

"And you're working retail cause the army is trying to keep you away as long as possible."

"Ooh, ouch. That hurt Four."

"Not as much as looking at you."

\---

Maybe half an hour till, a lady came through his line at the register. She looked fairly normal. Dark skin, hair pulled back in one of those fancy hair pulling back thingies (look, he was a teenage white boy, he didn't know what it was called.) Puffy jacket, and buying ingredients for Spaghetti.

100% normal person. 

He was pulling her receipt when an older lady appeared in the aisle and started asking him a lot of questions. 

Quickly he folded the receipt and set it on the counter for the first lady to grab. "Your receipt is on the counter ma'am. You have a great day and Happy Holidays." Four then turned and answered the older lady's questions as best as he could.

The older lady was happy with his answers and put up her things to be scanned. After a moment Four noticed that the first lady was still standing 10 feet away at the end of the two belts. 

"Can I help you?"

She had her arms folded across her chest and was looking at him expectantly. "You're supposed to hand the receipt." She dictated. 

. . . What?

"I'm sorry ma'am, but what?"

"You're supposed to hand me the receipt." She repeated, more forcefully this time. 

Four, confused but willing, picked up the receipt and held it out. She was still at the end of the belt but she could walk the three steps it took to reach him right?

Wrong.

"Walk over here, and hand me the receipt,  _ boy _ ."

What the fuck was up with  _ this bitch? _

Four hesitantly stepped out of his little cubby in the register and walked around the belts. He held out the receipt and she grabbed it from his hands. 

"That's more like it." She snipped. Crumpling it she threw it in the garbage can that sat at the end of the belts.

Four felt the urge to punch her in the face.

She walked away, bags in her hand. Four shrugged, he'd just rant about this later and take it out then. 

Ten minutes later, Ravio approached him. "Four?" He started. "I got a complaint that you were rude to a customer about a receipt?"

Four groaned. "Do you want the full story?"

"If you could."

Four explained it the best he could. Ravio nodded along. 

"There's no rule against putting the receipt on the counter." Ravio said. "Especially since a lot of people are going no contact with Covid. It might even be encouraged."

Four shrugged. "Exactly."

Ravio sighed. "Well It's good to hear that you're not causing trouble." He winked. "I know you too well to believe them anyway."

It was nice having great managers and CSR.

\---

Four was off the clock and picking up the few things he wanted. He was out of tea due to not going anywhere for 2 weeks. He needed to stock up. 

At the self checkout he greeted Hyrule. Hyrule, lit up when he saw Four. 

"Four, I got someone complaining about you." He told, eyes bright. "This lady came over and told me that you were refusing her service."

Four raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yeah! She was full of shit cause I was watching you, but she was trying to get me to call corporate."

Four snickered. "As if."

"Right?" Hyrule laughed. "Then guess what, she said she'd call them herself and report you for, get this, racial discrimination."

His jaw dropped. "You're kidding me."

"I'm not."

Four shook his head. "I'm going to leave and try and convince my grandpa to give me a concussion."

"What? Why?"

"Cause I can't get drunk yet."

"Hah, have fun."

"You too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's what happened. A friend got covid, neglected to tell me, and I had to bunker down for a few weeks. It was shit and I felt bad for most of it. 
> 
> Shadow and Vaati aren't the best friends, but honestly what else did Four expect when he skipped Advisory for three weeks to chill on the roof? You get weird friends.
> 
> Also I hate that bitch. So much.


	5. Breakrooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warriors is being Warriors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer, this one is mostly just fake. The sign asking people to stay out of [insert name of my actual coworker] is real, as well as how often people take breaks in it. And yes Michelle from the Deli WAS really torn up about it, but she retaliated by just eating her food outside. 
> 
> I actually have no clue why the sign went up, I can only assume it's cause one of the managers wanted privacy while THEY took their lunch break. 
> 
> Also apologies for the short chapter, i wrote this at school.

**“Please respect Twilight’s office and do not take your lunch breaks in here.” - Management.**

That was the sign that changed everything. 

It was posted on Wednesday, February 3rd, a white printer paper sign with big black letters printed on it. 

Four stared at it as he clocked in for the morning. Twilight’s office was an interesting one, there was a computer, a desk that ran along the side of an entire wall, and the entrance was visible by customers when they passed by, the door was, rarely if ever, closed. Inside there were some stock, a lot of labels for products and a printer. 

And best of all, two cushioned swivel chairs. Twilight only ever used one of them at a time, and it was common for someone on their break to go in his office and eat their lunch while enjoying the man's company while he worked. He never minded, and it was a nice break from the cold and wet locker room, and the cold break room that smelled like boiled eggs. 

Four wondered if Hylia found out and decided to be a killjoy, or if someone had gone into Twilight’s space and had been so rowdy that Twilight had reported it. Something must have happened because Four knew that Twilight generally didn’t mind. 

“What is that?” Warriors walked behind Four, also staring at the sign with a dumbfounded expression. 

Four shrugged. “No clue. Are you going on break?”

“Well I  _ was,  _ but if Twilight isn’t taking visitors then- this is bullshit.” Warriors walked up to the door and opened it. “Twilight?” He asked.

Twilight spun in the chair and pulled down his glasses, glancing at Warriors. “Yeah War?”

“I’m taking my break here.”

“No you’re not, read the sign.”

“Yeah, and what the hell is up with it?”

Twilight rolled his eyes. “If you don’t like it, take it up with Time.”

“Insane, absolute insanity.”

\---

Legend opened the doors to the dairy department. On one side there were the glass doors where customers could open and get their products, that was blocked from rows and rows of shelves that actually  _ held  _ the stuff. Milk and eggs and the like. On the other side near the back were all the dairy products waiting to be stocked. Milk jugs covered the walls as well as any miscellaneous products that were dairy overstock. 

It was empty, accept for the one person sitting in the far end of the cooler. 

“Warriors, what the fuck are you doing?”

Warriors looked up from his now cold ham and cheese sandwich. “Taking my lunch break. What does it look like?”

Legend stood there is what most definitely counts as ‘Shocked silence’ “The break room is like, three feet away from here, go take it in there.”

“The break room smells bad.”

“And this is a fridge?”

“It’s better than the breakroom.”

“Get the fuck out of the fridge or else I’m telling Hylia.”

“Well you won't let me take my breaks in Twilight's office!”

“So? That doesn’t mean you can take them in the fridge!”

It took a while, and a little bit of manhandling, but Legend was able to drag warriors out of the fridge and into the breakroom, where the man promptly got up and went to clock out of his break because his 15 minutes were up. 

But this did not stop the terrible game that was now “Where is Warriors taking his break.” Because this man started with the fridge, and only went up from there. 

There was a time where Four found him under the table of one of the breakrooms. 

Another time where Warriors took his break and stood by the self checkout the entire time, doing his best to eat his sandwich while keeping up a conversation with a very confused Sky. 

The day after that he took his break outside, which should have been fine if it wasn’t early February in Minnesota, ergo, -25 degrees outside. 

There were other places too, next to the trash compactor, in the chip aisle, underneath the belts at the cash register, it really was a saga. 

He should have been fired for it, he really should have. But Warriors was so careful with how he did it, that he didn’t once disturb a customer, nor did he jeopardize the stockers or any other staff. 

He was doing everything exactly to protocall, he was just, being, really, fucking, wierd. 

\---

Twilight sat at his desk, looking in the systems in order to change the price of the Tropicana Juice to the ones they were actually supposed to be. They were 3/ 4$ this week, but for some reason they kept coming up as 1.99$ when they were scanned. 

It was the third time that Four had complained about it that something was actually done. 

There was a quiet knock on the door before it was opened and Time stepped in. 

“Hey.” Twilight greeted him, too busy with his task to give him a proper greeting. 

Time hummed in acknowledgement and sat down at the other swivel chair, he took a bright pink lunch box out from underneath the table.

“Are you on your break?” Twilight asked. 

“Yes.”

Twilight pressed a few more buttons, making sure he had put down the right data. “I guess I’ll take mine now too.” He pushed himself back from the chair and stretched. He made the quick trip to the punch out machine and then back into his office. As soon as he reentered the office, Time handed him his lunch box as well. 

“I really don’t get why you put that sign up.” Twilight mused. “You know I really didn’t mind people taking their lunch in here.”

Time shrugged, “I didn’t like how people would walk in while I was taking  _ my _ lunch.”

“So, this is all just because you like your privacy?”

“Indeed.”

“And will Warriors ever get to get back in here again?”

“I’m not sure, I want to see how far he goes. I have a bet with Ravio that he’ll find his way to the roof by next week.”

**Author's Note:**

> Share ur dumb retail stories in the comments. I wanna know that I'm not the only one.


End file.
